To begin, I am that one college student that is not ashamed to admit that during the summer, I crash at my parents’ house. I mean, there’s good food, free Wi-Fi, and air-conditioning non-stop. They even tolerate my strange friends dropping in and hanging out.
What’s not to like?
The movie playlist, that’s what.
Long story short, my mother is a very, very complex woman. Not in the “all woman are complex creatures” kind of way. I mean that I’m pretty sure she has her own danger level that the government knows about and has some kind of safety precaution in place for. Sometimes, she reminds of the mom from Malcolm in the Middle (the yelling and violence included). Every time I think I have learned some takeaway, she flips the script and it all becomes one big mind-f*ck (Vader-style). But I tolerate it because she is my mother and I love her.
What I don’t love is her mild obsession with movies. Now, here is where it get’s tricky. Normally, when I say this everyone thinks we are supposed to bond over our shared love of movies. I like films. She likes films. Simple? Nope. She will watch a particular movie repeatedly, every day, for the span of months. The kicker: each time to her is like the first time. This brings me into my next thing.
Her latest obsession: Frozen.
Please, don’t be fooled by the fact I know the words to “Let It Go”, which is quite literally Satan in a song…actually, my bad, ‘Love Is an Open Door’ is Satan in a song.
Anyway, when I went see the movie initially, I felt like it was going to blow me away. Since everyone was saying that it was ‘better than The Lion King and Beauty and The Beast’, I went in there expecting it to be the utmost of everything. My reasoning was: “okay, I’m not even a fan of Beauty and The Beast like that, but it should be decent.”
If anybody knows me, they know that I cannot stand this movie. Originally, it was bearable. Then when I heard everybody else’s opinion on it I sort of went: “Hold on! Slow down! That movie wasn’t even that great.”
And here are some reasons why:
The plot has many problems…
Just how the hell did Elsa get her powers? Am I really supposed to believe they just happened?
….The songs are thrown in just to be there…
“Let It Go”, despite its accolades, has no place in the movie other than to showcase Idina Menzel’s chops (because everyone knows that anything with Idina not singing is a no-go).
The whole point of the song is empowerment and letting sh*t go. But immediately, after the “character-is-obviously-feeling-themselves” song, she goes back to the same f*cking way she was before: isolation (on much larger scale), “conceal, don’t feel” (she built an ice castle to serve this purpose), and she still treats her sister like a complete stranger.
…And the characters are overall question marks.
Anna is out-right stupid and I understand she was meant to be quirky, but it only made me want her to die that much more (there’s not much else to be said on that).
And there’s Hans being the bad guy for all of ten minutes. He did pretty much the same thing Talia Al Ghul did in The Dark Knight Rises except in this situation I was angrier because I realized there was no real villain before that point (Team Bad Guy!).
Olaf the snowman is a pointless character. The fact that he was somehow my favorite character in the movie (that isn’t Elsa) is kind of sad.
Even though I semi ship Jelsa (Jack Frost and Elsa), the same thing applies in what I am about to say next. No virtual punchies! But doesn’t it make more sense that Kristoff and Elsa end up as a couple? Theoretically, anyway? He likes ice–he even said it was his life–and Elsa kind of creates it. Then Anna could wait a while and find her true love that didn’t just appear less than an hour into the movie or “happen’ over a couple of days. Whatever. I don’t know. I guess I would have preferred it that way.
In my mind, the movie didn’t even break top ten. Tangled was better than that and since I am proudly a child of the nineties, Tangled is obviously at the bottom.
So, when this film inevitably came to DVD (and VHS, I’m still shocked they still make those) and my mom snatched it up, I knew it was a HUGE issue. I dealt with this strange and unusual torture daily for an entire month until *ding* Netflix.
Now if only I could teach her how to use it properly without my help.