AJ's Corner / Random

The Perks Of Having A Cool Ass Roommate

I am a student, and I am kinda poor. So, needless to say I have a roommate.

Going into Freshman year, I was like: “I have like six siblings how hard can it be?” I was wrong. I live in a barely co-ed, traditional, community dormitory where they urge you–more like force you–to interact with people all the time.  You eat with them, shower with them, sh*t with them and then you even have to live with them. At least at home, you could escape them for a good portion of the day. So, it makes sense when saying having a good roommate can make or break any college experience. But I am very fortunate to say that both of my experiences (I’m a sophomore) were fairly decent. The first was alright and the second was even better.

This goes out to my Meatball and current roommate.

So you might ask just what makes an awesome or well, “cool ass” roommate.

Here are a few things.

1They are either weirder or just as weird as you

All of your interactions begin to mirror strange, frat boy moments including burping contests, games that get serious pretty fast (no booze involved), and sports on television. The moment you go to see if the coast is clear to pick out a wedgie, your roommate is probably picking their nose. They give no “effs”.

Not Normal

2. They won’t judge your strange obsessions (mostly)

Your mutual love of Phil Collins is a bonding mechanism. You love his music–and love the movie Tarzan for it– and think Phil is slightly sexy despite his age.  There is zero judgment.

They also support your strange obsession with celebrities, taking all of your weird rants and comments about their relationship in stride.

3. You are allowed to sing the corniest and lamest (Disney) songs to each other.

pitch perfect

This is NOT you

You both suck and you know it, but neither of you care. And yet this has yet to deter your wannabe rock star dreams and just might help you discover a latent hidden mutant ability, mine is the strange ability to sing country music and yodel despite being from Quahog (just playing), Rhode Island.

4. They openly bully you into doing sh*t you don’t want to do.

I make her go to or watch Marvel movies (and over all expand her mind into the vast unknown that is the Nerd Universe). She makes me go to parties and be “social”–for those of you that don’t know, I am socially awkward and don’t really care for people that much (I am like Spock, but I am about much less)-despite how out of your comfort zone this makes you.

5. You purposely do little things to piss them off 

I make a lot of strange noises, which are sort of like the noises that R2D2 regularly makes, that piss my roommate off. Oh and I am overly dramatic when it comes to…well everything. The fact that I sometimes watch movies for certain parts and after they happen I turn it off (Star Trek). And since I love my tea (I swear I have an elderly British woman inside my soul that loves tea time and staring out the window like I’m a prisoner in my own home) and she hates it, the look of it, the smell of it, everything. At first I tried to be nice and make tea when I knew she was in class, but then as time went on so did the number of f*cks I give.


6. You have developed your own language

When you have words like blossom, waffle, the vault, not invited and various other words and phrases and overall talk to each either sounds like general grunts or noises among Neanderthals (the point at which they can decipher any and all the meanings to your nonsense noises) or when words are involved, it sounds like a conversation between two Death Row inmates. There are no niceties involved in this. Outsiders usually will take you for enemies despite the fact you are seen together frequently.

Eventually it’s going to come to this

7. You have your own separate lives

Everyone claims you guys are Siamese twins but you’re not.

We are as different as Mary-Kate and Ashley (during their direct-to-video days) when no one could really tell them apart. One is girly and outspoken and the other is meh at best.

Clearly, not the same person…check the overalls

So when you do get that knock on your door disturbing whatever it is that you are doing, with someone asking where the either one is…

my response…

“I woke up like this”

8. Fist Fights (Pretty Much Fights In General) Become the Norm

Whether it’s who’s going to turn off the television at 3 in the a.m., take out the trash or whose turn it is to pay for the takeout (you just know it’s going to balance out at some point).

Even though neither of us has one…at least I hope so

Arguments happen every time you see each other but fist fights are weekly occurrences, usually over stupid things, and just as quickly as they appear, they’re settled. But when the other person has a problem, you are the first one there suggesting that we team up to form a Megazord and whoop some ass.

It’s time to show out…Ranger Style!

9. You are the first person to know everything

The news has no bedtime

With this roommate, you have now become the secret keeper of the universe. Even if it means this person is locked out or lost, you are the first person to know about it. If you are sleeping and sh*t goes down, understand that you will be woken up and informed (no sh*ts were given about your dreams and beauty rest). It is your job as the “Receiver” to nod, listen (somewhat…okay, enough to remember the important stuff), and tell no one. Either it’s really crucial, like Spider-Man’s secret identity or it’s the dumbest thing on the face of the Earth (waking me up to inform me on the status of Chris Hemsworth’s life, which in turn sets off my untapped super saiyan mode that leaves our room in ruins).

The result of all that rage

image(s): As stated before I am mildly destitute; therefore I own nothing…


One thought on “The Perks Of Having A Cool Ass Roommate

  1. Pingback: The Secret Life of AJ Parker: A Day In My Life | Sublime Zoo

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