Lex's Corner / Random

Dear Readers: Lex Is Not Dead (Also Known As 6 Things Lex Has Been Up To)

Happy Belated New Year, lovers of the Zoo.

Now, a lot of you have probably been wondering this:

Calm yourself. Let me explain.

Or this:

I know! I know! But I’m back now?!

Or this:

I could ask you the same thing.

Or maybe even this:

What? Disappear? That’s the life of a college student, my friend.

Whatever you’ve been wondering, I’m here to declare that I didn’t go off and die or disappear from the planet. Rather, I’ve been preoccupied with an assortment of things—including being a college student like fellow writer AJ has wisely and continuously pointed out. However, instead of just rambling on and on about what I’ve been doing in any old manner, I’m going to explain it how I explain things best:

With a list.

Oh, don’t give me any sh*t. You KNOW how much I love lists.

So, without further ado, here are 6 things I’ve been up to since this past December:

1.      Being a college student

This one is definitely a big f*cking deal. While I’m nearly through with a good portion of my college career, the best (read: worst) is surely yet to come. Not only did my past finals take a nice, steaming sh*t on me, but I’m already well on my way through another quarter/semester…and am receiving a sh*t load of work as a result.

I cry every time.

However, it isn’t all that bad. On top of spending much-needed time with kick-ass friends and serving as a hub for advice and humor (oddly enough), I’ve also been picking up on more activities that are related to my interests…with my interests being the big four: movies, TV, writing, and hating.

The last one was no joke.

2. Keeping up with New Years Resolutions (Kind of)

So, I’m always that asshole who gets hella annoyed when I hear the words “New Year, New Me” or any variation of that.

Get out of here with that sh*t.

However, it has always been my belief that one should strive to at least improve (not unnecessarily change) themselves as the year changes.

For me, that manifested itself in a couple of health-related resolutions. Now, before you give me the side-eye or automatically assume that some of them included losing X amount of pounds, hear me out. Elaborating on the various ups and downs of being a college student, while we like to think we eat well, we really don’t.

How I feel after I eat something really delicious…that in reality might actually kill me.

As a college student, I am perpetually on a budget, and therefore, I am used to stuffing myself with an unhealthy amount of takeout, pizza, Ramen, etc. So, for the new year, I decided that I wanted to eat better, because let’s be real: that’s where good health starts. Have I f*cked up already? You bet your ass I have. BUT…a huge part of improving is trying and one cannot be afraid to try.

So, let me propose these words instead: “New Year, Better Me”.

(I’ll post something about my other half-assed attempts at New Years Resolutions later)

3.     Writing

As you guys know, I do write a sh*t ton in my spare time (you know, when I’m not being a lazy ass asshole). I’m not going to share too much about this, especially since I’m very particular about sharing that kind of stuff—no thanks to people like Shia LaThief.

Well, Mr. LaThief, plagiarism is probably not the way to go. And by probably, I mean it’s NOT the f*cking way to go. Sheesh.

Basically, here’s a somewhat vague list of writing I’ve been working on for the last month (yes, I know this is a list within a list. Deal with it):

– Polished two shorts (One’s a funny ass thriller and the other? Not so much).

– Continued working on a Fantasy project that I failed to complete during NanoWriMo

– Started working on my first feature-length screenplay (I hope to finish it this year).

– Attempted to revise the second episode of a ten-episode project I’m working on (There’s a blind lady and…you know what? I’ve said too much already).

– Embarked on a second semi-joint writing project with the venerable AJ Parker. (She’s a fabulous writer. I salute the woman wholeheartedly).

And on top of all that, I am back to dedicate my time to ranting and b*tching for you guys, (which I very much enjoy doing, by the way).

This is my life. I love it. I hate it. I accept it.

4. Pondering about impending doom adulthood

When I’m not writing, eating sh*tty food, or lamenting about the evildoers that are finals, you better believe me when I say that I am pondering about the impending doom that is adulthood.

It’s a trap. IT’S A TRAP!

Seeing as I’m not even there yet, many can argue that I’m being unfair or even biased. However, until I get there, I will do/talk about/dread this impending doom however I see fit.

I’ll be honest: the idea of graduating from college, getting my own place, paying bills, and joining the workforce one day scares the absolute hell out of me…and I don’t scare easily.

Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me?

I’m pretty sure a piece of f*cking toast could scare me better than you just did.

Granted, I blame most of my fear (see: apprehension) on the fact that the future is chock-full of a lot of different unknowns. But in the end, I’m going to do my best to face it all head-on like the stubborn asshole that I am. And if any of you have the same kind of concerns, you should probably do the same.

Yeah! You grow up…and stuff.

5. Waiting on Almost Human to be renewed.

Straight up: I’m not as into TV as I used to be. Now, there are a handful of good shows on TV right now, but I usually don’t check them out or catch on to how great they are until way down the line. And by then, I am reduced to Netflix binge-watching and that in itself usually descends into some type of unspeakable, hermit-related madness until I vow not to engage in such silliness again.

Which is kind of stupid on my part, because I usually end up doing it again anyways (Basically, never ask me about how I caught up on shows like Arrow, Doctor Who, and etc).

“Oliver, don’t do it! Laurel’s lying! She’s–Oh sh*t. This is not what it looks like.” <–An actual quote from one of my Netflix binge-watching sessions.

Anyways, I recently stumbled onto the interesting (and compelling) show that is Almost Human and I have only one thing to ask FOX:

***Warning: The following sentences are all in unnecessary CAPS (Deal with it):



And speaking of Firefly…

And by “either of you”, I mean the same FOX that single-handedly fucked Firefly over and the same FOX that nearly killed the X-Men franchise with X-Men 3: The Last Stand. It will be triply so if Almost Human meets an untimely demise.

Moving on, Almost Human mainly has my attention right now because of the fantastic leads that it has found in two of my favorite people: Karl Urban and Michael Ealy (who, as some of our readers have pointed out to us, are not all that bad-looking either). Other than that, I’m delighted in the show’s very futuristic setting and its infinitely many possibilities.

However, I am on the same page with people when they say that the show could use a little bit…more. Whether it’s a bit more heart or some more character development on account of characters like John Kennex (Karl Urban) or Valerie Stahl (Minka Kelly), this show just needs one more thing before it can truly attain “badass show” status.

How I am when I watch this show.

6. Celebrating the delay of Batman Vs Superman/Justice League/World’s Finest/Trinity/Superman and Friends/Batman and His B*tches.


As I’ve said before—and I’ll say it again—I am an asshole. So, naturally, I was unnaturally giddy when I came across Variety’s article stating that the movie had been pushed back to May 6, 2016.

Real talk: I am most definitely more into the Marvel. However, I am not bullshitting myself or anyone else when I say that DC definitely has the better heroes. Why am I saying this? Well, while Marvel’s heroes are a little bit more flawed and relatable, I do really love and appreciate the fact that DC’s heroes are basically gods.

They’re powerful. They’re icons. They stand for ideals.

The only hero that comes close to that in the Marvel Universe for me is Captain America, and even then, he is not nearly as ingrained into the world’s social consciousness like DC’s heroes (mainly the Justice League) are.


I love you, Cap, but look at this majestic ass group!

Getting back to the subject at hand, I’m a believer in the fact that WB is actually ashamed of this “idealistic/iconic” power that DC’s heroes hold and I just don’t get it. I mean, granted, there are an array of articles out there where many of lamented the fact that DC sometimes tries too hard to attempt to be like Marvel (you can check out one of my favorites here), but as far as their cinematic universe is concerned, there should literally be no contest.

First of all, regardless of whether Marvel and DC see themselves as rivals or not, they both need to understand that whatever actions they take (especially movie-wise) affect interest in the entire comic book genre itself. So, while competition is good and often leads to good things, they need to NOT get obsessed with beating each other…and the SAME goes for “fans” of each respective brand that always like to start flame wars about Marvel vs. DC/DC vs Marvel sh*t.

Like actually. Get over yourselves.

Second of all, because of this “shame” vibe that I’m getting, I feel like that’s what’s causing the “gritty” movement on WB/DC’s behalf. While the “gritty” treatment works on heroes like Batman (and by some extension, Green Arrow), it doesn’t really work with some of the others (and I’m sighting Superman/Man of Steel as an example).

Think about it this way: imagine someone as lighthearted as The Flash (granted, Barry Allen in particular can make for some gritty ass sh*t, but still) in his own gritty film.


That’s some sh*t I don’t what to see.

I’m dead serious. I want no part in this.

Bringing this full circle, I’m basically excited about this delay because not only does it prove that WB has no f*cking idea what it’s doing with its DC Cinematic Universe right now, but it also gives them a chance to get their sh*t together.

So, they need to take this time to fix whatever needs to be fixed. Revise the script (for the love of God, revise the script. I don’t trust David Goyer for sh*t), get Gal Gadot to pack on serious (and proper) muscle, cast whoever you need to (whether it be The Rock, Denzel Washington, Joaquin Phoenix, or Betty Motherf*cking White), and FIGURE OUT WHAT F*CKING MOVIE YOU ARE MAKING.

WB, if you want to make a Justice League movie, make a f*cking Justice League movie already. Just make it well.

That is all I’m asking.

That is all DC FANS are asking.

And so, this ends my lengthy update on what on Earth I was doing in my extensive absence.

It was my pleasure.

Images From: Wifflegif.com, Funnyjunk.com, Minus.com, Sarabynoe.com, Videogum.com, Alphacoders.com, Cheezeburger.com


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