Meet The Interns: Smallz

***Btdubs, Smallz is not really an intern, but I’m going to keep saying it because it really annoys Smallz***

As you guys know, the amount of times that we’ve posted on this site has varied greatly over the last five months. And in the last month or so, college (read: life) has done quite the number on our staff too.

Don’t make this harder than it has to be.

Basically, you won’t be seeing a lot of fellow compadre Case Ashton anytime soon.

I’m sorry. I mean, like, I can give it back, you know.

But fear not! Since we love b*tching to you guys and all, we’ve taken the appropriate measures to makes sure The Zoo remains Sublime.

As a result, interns writers Smallz and Madame are here to save the day.

I was getting to that!

Anyways, you’ll be learning more about Madame later, but for now, let me introduce you to the venerable Smallz:

L: Hello Smallz. How are you?

S: Good. I’m feeling especially large today.

L: Nice. What are your thoughts about joining The Zoo, Smallz?

S: I really enjoy writing, so I figure this would be a good place to expand those interests. It’s also very, refreshingly different, since I’m used to hardcore news. Writing things about entertainment and social media is a good skill to be learning. I’m also looking to branch out movie-wise, since right now I’m a hardcore rom-com fan.

L: Smallz. I’m curious to know whether Smallz is your actual name. Is it?

S:…Yeah. I’m not willing to disclose.

L: Fair enough.What are some of your favorite things?

Music. Any kind of music, but especially ‘80s music. I’m also into any kind of books, newspapers, etc. For me, it’s reading or music. Those two make my life complete.

(I look at Smallz and utter the obligatory “nerd” insult.)

L: Which hero (Disney or anything otherwise) do you most identify with?

S: Hmm. That’s a hard question.

L: I know.

S: I GOT IT. Denzel Washington in Remember the Titans. He had one goal in mind and he made it happen.

L: Which villain (Disney or anything otherwise) do you most identify with?

S: In the Devil Wears Prada, I’m not sure if Meryl Streep’s character is the villain or not, but I can totally relate to her because she gets things done.

L: What’s a real-life issue that is somewhat close to your heart?

S: My weight. Body image is a lot these days. The pressure to stay thin or look in an acceptable way according to society.

L: If you could live in any time period, what would it be?

S: The 80’s. The big hair. The big clothes. The crazy music. Everything.

(I pause.)

L: Is that your final answer?


L: And in that same vein, name your favorite time period as it pertains to fashion?

S: 80’s once again. But let’s be real, I wear what I like. I do what I want.

L: How’s your taste in music?

It’s eclectic. It varies. It goes from reggae to country to whatever else. As long as it sounds good, I like it.

L: Do you have a favorite artist?

S: Madonna, by far.

L: Any particular reason?

S: She was the first to do nearly everything. You’d be hard-pressed to find someone who’s come after her that hasn’t attempted to copy or imitate her. She’s an original. She’s the original.

L: Movies. Top 5. Go:

S: Wow. Okay. Here we go: The BodyguardTitanicSleepy HollowRemember The Titans, Seabiscuit

L: Favorite TV Show (s) (Past or Present):

S: M.A.S.H., Gunsmoke, Pretty Little Liars, Scandal, and Almost Human.

L: Alright, Smallz. So far, you’ve proved to be fairly interesting. However, now is the time to ask you some fairly divisive and tough questions. Are you ready for this?

S: Alright. Here we go:

L: Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?

S: Harry Potter. I like whatever seems a bit more realistic and I feel like The Harry Potter books were a bit more relatable.

L: Star Wars or Star Trek?

S: Star Wars. I’m going to be honest: I simply remember a lot more of Star Wars than I do Star Trek.

L: The Hunger Games or The Divergent Trilogy?

S: The Hunger Games. I’ve read the books, seen the movies, and I love them. I haven’t read any of the Divergent books; so I really can’t say anything about that.

L: New York Yankees or Boston Red Sox?

S: Boston Red Sox.

L: Good. I’ll spare your face.

(Smallz chuckles.)

L: Los Angeles Lakers or Boston Celtics?


(I look at Smallz with wide eyes.)

S: My bad.

L: Oooookay. DC or Marvel?

S: DC. I’ll take Batman and company over anything else any day.

L: M. Night Shyamalamadingdong Shyamalan walks up to you and tells you that he is going to adapt [insert-favorite-childhood-show-here] into a movie. What do you do?


(Smallz is hysterical for a few more seconds).

S:…I would punch him in the face. I don’t have the heart to kill anyone. I’ve come close though.

(I give Smallz a look).

L: To test your decency as a human being: What did you think of The Last Airbender?

S: I didn’t see it.

L: Good answer.

L: Miley Cyrus shows up and twerks on your grandmother. How do you react?

S: Well…is my grandmother twerking back? Or is she giving her the side-eye?

L: Depends.

S: Well, my grandma would probably not even allow that, so…

L: You have just broken up with Taylor Swift and she promptly writes a song about you. What do you do?

S: Indifference. She means nothing to me.

L: And back to being a little bit more serious: what do you hope to bring to Sublime Zoo?

S: A different perspective. Everyone’s quite honest and badass here. So I want to bring on more honesty and more music suggestions. And more badassery.

L: Alright. Smallz. The people thank you for your wonderfully weird interview

S: And I thank you guys.

Images From: Glee.livejournal.com, Blogs.studentlife.utoronto.ca, 


Got anything you’re dying to ask new intern writer, Smallz? Let us know in the comments below!

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