Lex's Corner / Life / Random

14 Things You Should Never, Ever, Ever Say to a Single Person (Lex’s Take)

As you know, Smallz recently wrote a very insightful (yet hilarious) post on some of the things that one should never ever (read: ever) say to a single human being. However, seeing as there are a few things Smallz’s didn’t cover and a few things that I still have reservations about, here is my take on 14 things you should never say to single people:

1. “How/why are you still single?”

How do I even answer that? WTF?

I’m sorry, but what the f*ck does this question even mean? In fact, what is the point of this question? It is so f*cking loaded that I don’t even know where to start.

The amount of “Can’t” that I’m feeling right now is seriously over 9000.

Why am I single? How in the f*ck should I know?!

2. “Maybe you should tone down your strong personality?”

What?

How about you tone down the amount oxygen you’re using to speak to me? How about that?

 In all seriousness, I think I’d rather someone like me for my “strong personality” versus liking me for anything else. I’m a hater. I have strong opinions. If you can’t get behind that, I really don’t need you in my life, nor do I have any use for you in it, either.

And THAT is a fact.

3. “You should definitely try online dating.”

How about no?

Absolutely not.

I have watched too many episodes of Catfish to even consider this option. On top of that, people are notoriously bolder (see: cowardly) when they’re in front of a computer screen and behind a keyboard; so I could only imagine the weird, creepy, and rude things that people would say to me.

In short: I’ll pass.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope.

4. “Oh, since you’re (insert race here), this other person of the same exact race is absolutely perfect for you!”

The logic (read: lack of logic) that some people demonstrate day in and day out scares me.

Like, legitimately scares me.

That’s an understatement.

Just because someone looks “exactly” like me does not mean that I’m automatically going to like him/her. For all you know, it could be the very opposite; so don’t go assuming anything.

¿Porque no los dos? (Idiot…)

5. “You can come along too.”

Um, excuse me?

Do you want your life to be in immediate danger? Do you?

First of all, thanks, but no thanks. I don’t need to be the additional wheel to your (most likely) whack ass hangout. Not only do I have other awesome friends to hang out with, but I also have better things to do than to play the annoying game that is “tag-a-long.”

Worst case scenario (read: best case scenario), I end up chilling by myself, which in my case means I will be eating lots of awesome food, watching lots of badass movies, dancing to some sick music.

And yes, I will take that sh*t over being some crappy (insert random number here)th wheel any day.

Damn skippy.

6. “You know, being in a relationship is not all that it’s cracked up to be. Be glad that you’re single.”

And here comes this backhanded “compliment”.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! I want you to say that to your SO’s face. Seriously. Would you be glad to be single then? Hmm?!?!

To be honest, some would say that it’s well meaning, but to me, it’s really not. By saying this, a person not only conveys some slight regret at having entered a relationship in the first place, but he/she also perpetuates the false belief that living the “single life” is also living the “happy life”.

Listen very carefully: being single ≠ being happy.

Oh, you don’t? Well, let me spell this sh*t out for you then.

On the flip side of that, entering a relationship doesn’t automatically lead one to securing instant and eternal happiness either.

Basically, life is whatever the f*ck you make it, single or taken. There will always be ups and downs to both. It’s up to you to find a way to deal with them.

7. I know rejection sucks, but you need to put yourself out there EVEN MORE than you’re doing now.

Ugh.

Why would you even say that to me?

But actually.

On a more serious note, “putting yourself out there” is a lot tougher than people make it out to be. It requires you to essentially make the first move and therefore be open to whatever rejection (read: potential abuse) that may come your way.

And while some people would like to continue under the delusion that people are generally nice when it comes to dating, some people will not hesitate to take your straightforwardness and openness for something that it’s not…which usually leads to negative consequences of the petty kind.

You know, like this.

In the end, don’t put yourself out there if you’re not ready, regardless of what bullsh*t anyone has to say on the matter. It’s your life. Remember that.

8. “Oh, I know you like (insert random attribute here), so I took the liberty of setting you up with (insert random person’s name here).”

First of all, I’m not down with some random ass, blind ass date. I have seen too many Lifetime movies to just roll with that sh*t.

This is me doing more than “passing”. This is me in downright “refusal” mode.

Furthermore, I am perfectly capable of meeting people on my own. I do not need your assistance and I do not need to be “set up”, especially without my knowledge of such a thing. Also, as I mentioned before, just because a person looks like me or happens to enjoy, like, one thing that I also enjoy, doesn’t mean that I WILL AUTOMATICALLY LIKE THEM.

NOTHING IS GUARANTEED.

Sh*t.

Do not want. DO NOT WANT. Take it back. TAKE IT BACK.

Do not want. DO NOT WANT. Take it back. TAKE IT BACK.

9. “Ooooh, you like that person? They’re not you’re type/you’re not their type.”

Who died and made you the motherf*cking matchmaking police?

I love it when people say this to me. You know why? Because it just proves how ignorant most people still are when it comes to love and happiness. Being completely honest, the idea of “types” is super, f*cking stupid and it should be outdated by now.

For example, let’s say that your “type” is someone with like, blond hair and green eyes. Are you telling me that if some brown hair, hazel-eyed god/goddess walked up to you, you would turn them away because they’re not your “type”?

Is that what you’re telling me?

Seriously?

Just…go.

10. If you do this, change that, wear this…you’ll find the right person.

I’m too awesome to change. Deal with it.

Let me be really clear when I say this: If you want to get with me or if you want me to get with you, please know that I AM NOT CHANGING MYSELF FOR ANY-F*CKING-ONE.

Anyone at all.

Like seriously.

I’m pretty sure that Jesus Christ himself could come down and ask me to change myself and I would quite literally give him a scathing combination of a side-eye and a stank eye while I vehemently denied his request to alter myself in anyway whatsoever.

Real talk: Unless who am I or what I do happens to be harmful to myself or others in some type of way, there is absolutely no reason for me to change. I like who I am, I like what I wear, and I like how I act. And if you have a problem with that, why in the f*ck would I want to date you?

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

11. The clock is ticking.

Until what? Until I punch you in your f*cking face?

I never really understand what people mean when they say this. Even if it’s for obvious family-related or biological-related reasons, people forget that science has progressed far enough to where people don’t essentially need a significant other to live their life. Medicine is a wonderful thing and so are things like, you know, adoption?

Ever heard of it?

What, you didn’t know?

The clock can tick all it f*cking wants. I am in no rush.

12. Does the thought of possibly ending up alone bother you?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…*STANK EYE*

First of all: f*ck you.

Second of all: How do you know if I’m ending up alone? Are you my maker? Are you on some That’s So Raven, psychic sh*t?

Thirdly: I don’t really see a problem with ending up alone. As long as I lived a life I’m proud of, as in I completed all my goals and aspirations (be them career-related or not), it would’ve been a good one. Having a significant other doesn’t have to be my crowning achievement.

Please do.

13 …And that’s why you’re still single.

Oh sh*t! Shots fired!

Earlier, I talked about how being single doesn’t automatically warrant happiness. On the flip side, being single doesn’t automatically doom one to a lifetime of misery.

That being said, I definitely get extremely livid when people say this as if you are single because you’re some horrible, exceedingly awful person. Additionally, it’s also a mean ass thing to say and makes me want to punch you, the person who uttered it, in the face (without remorse).

I mean, what if people choose to be single?

That’s a thing you know.

Asshole.

Actually, don’t pardon my French. Asshole.

14. You’re too picky.

I mean, I could say that you’re too ugly, but you don’t see me saying that. Oh wait…

I don’t know why people think “pickiness” is a bad thing. I mean, do you want any old average Joe/Jane thinking they can just waltz up to you and date you?

NOPE.

I think not.

Moreover, as I mentioned before, I have no plans to change myself, pickiness included.

So you, sir/madam, may go f*ck yourself if you think I should do otherwise.

Keep on hating, my friend. Keep on hating.

Images From: Blogvedete.com, Wifflegif.com, Gifcrap.com, Blogforchoice.com, Iruntheinternet.com, Memeguy.com, Digital trends.com, Liverunsparkle.com, Rapgenius.com, Stereopresence.net, Mrwgifs.com, Imgur.com, Ionehellobeautiful.wordpress.com, Pandawhale.com, Mediasugar.com

_____________________________

Now that you’ve read me and Smallz’s take on annoying things that people say to single people, what are your thoughts? Let us know in the comments below!

Advertisements

Sound off!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s