Lex's Corner / Life / Random

6 Things That Happen When You Move Into a New Apartment

But before I get into all of that, I’d like to apologize for the long hiatus and once again reiterate that the zookeepers are not in fact dead. Since it’s finally summer time, expect more posts to come your way. For now, however, let’s get back to moving in.

Quite frankly, that sh*t sucks.

And I had to do it last week.

Except it wasn’t though…

And because it sucks so much, I am going to do what I do best when it comes to talking about these things: I’m going to make a list.

So, without further ado, here are 6 things that happen when you move into a new apartment:

1. Move-in day is absolute hell.

There is literally no other way to say this. It is the worst. It is the absolute worst. Not only do you end up being stressed out as f*ck from moving things in and out of your apartment, but if you’re moving during an extreme weather season—i.e. Winter or Summer—you’re going to have a bad time. Bonus points if you move during Spring and have life-ending/debilitating allergies.

That sh*t is not fun.

Yo…f*ck allergies. That sh*t is not fun.

My experience with the apartment version of move-in day was batsh*t crazy. A awesome friend of mine ended up getting me and my roommates a U-Haul truck (which, you know, was cool), but chaos ensued when I was informed that I would be driving (because, you know, trucks and big cities go together SOOOOOO well. But that is a story for another time). Long story short, I almost died a bunch of times and I silently cursed myself out when I finally got to my apartment and realized that I would have to move all of my sh*t up THREE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS.

Let’s not forget the fact that I am partially (temporarily) crippled.

Oh and me and my roommates had to find a way to do all of that in under three hours AND return the truck.

Can you say “CANNOT”?

2. You literally have no furniture.

I know what you’re thinking: Lex, I’m confused. If you have no furniture, what in the hell are you moving on “move-in” day?

Well, Einstein, what about all of the things—minus furniture—that I’ve accumulated over the years? I’m talking clothes, books, movies, TV series collections, video games, and so on? That stuff has to go somewhere right?

And you know, having that stuff is great and all, but it is kind of a moot point when you realize that you have no furniture. If you are lucky (or smart) you probably made preparations to at least have a bed.

OR you were totally unprepared and now have to live Sim style, circa 2000 and 2003 respectively (I.e. The Sims and The Sim’s Bustin’ Out).

You ready for that box life, cuz?

In my case, my roommates and I made plans to not, like, live on the floor and didn’t have to sell our souls to Ikea or Aaron’s or Rooms to Go to do it. However, we’ll be paying for furniture for a hot minute.

So excuse me while I do this:

MY WALLET!!! OH GOD, IT HURTS SO MUCH.

3. The rent is due as soon as you get there.

This usually happens in most cases (unless you’re down with the landlord/into some shady sh*t) and even if you are prepared, it still sucks.

Bonus points if you move into your apartment in the middle of the month and have to cough up more money in less than two weeks for next month’s rent.

Which, again, sucks.

Why yes, dearest Landlord/landlady. Please take all of my money as soon as I move in. It’s not like I had any plans to use if for anything else, like food.

And speaking of food….

4. You probably have zero to no food.

You thought life as a perpetually-on-a-budget college student was hard?

You ain’t seen NOTHING yet.

You’re not even ready for this.

Hypothetically, because you have spent a f*ckton of money on rent and moving things period, there will be little to no money left over for food (this is what happened in my case).

No money = No food.

You will be lucky if you have some forgotten box of ramen or some shit in your ghost town of pantry. The good news, however, is that this food drought shouldn’t last too long if you’ve already got your sh*t figured out (i.e you have a job or etc).

Now, if you don’t…

…Yeah. I got nothing.

5. Nothing—not even the Wi-Fi—is set up yet.

As if it isn’t bad enough that you are low on food, furniture, and money.

But you kinda have to now.

Usually, when the big move-in happens, most people wait TIL THE VERY LAST MINUTE to set up services like gas, electric, internet, and etc.

As in they have to set that stuff up AFTER the big move.

Why? Why did you wait so long? You do realize it’s gonna take Comcast like eight days to come to your house and set up this Wi-Fi, right?

Personally, I would advise people to start getting utilities and bills—like the ones mentioned above—squared away as soon as you sign the lease, not as soon as you move in. Trust me. It’ll save you a lot of stress, pain, and boredom…because seriously, like, who doesn’t NEED the internet (says the person who nearly spent the first week in said person’s apartment without Internet)?

Wi-Fi, please. I need you. I love you.

6. The thought of unpacking everything you just moved makes you so tired that you just go to sleep.

Oh, so you thought you were just gonna move all your crap into your new apartment and not have to unpack anything?

That’s cute.

You’re hilarious. Seriously. And I am in no way being sarcastic right now.

In all seriousness, unpacking is almost as bad as packing to begin with and I definitely understand the reluctance (read: refusal) to do so.

However, bear in mind that if you refuse to unpack now, you are going to have to do it later. And let’s be real: you’re not trying to do that sh*t later.

May the odds be ever in your–whoa, wait a minute….

Got any move-in tips or move-in (horror) stories? Let us know in the comments below?

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