AJ's Corner / Movies / Parker & Friends / Random

Parker & Friends: If I went to Hogwarts…

In the spirit of  ultra belated Halloween (in my defense I wrote this earlier and have been far too lazy to post it) and J.K. Rowling recently posting a new follow up on her site Pottermore. I have decided to take a topic from a my own personal fanfic/imagination.

So the prompt is: “If you went to Hogwarts…” (600 max. words)

“No….please….don’t” — Bella Swan

If I went to Hogwarts, I would most certainly be sorted into Slytherin. I know, I know. Everybody thinks Slytherin is full of selfish assholes. Which is kind of true…but not everybody in Slytherin is an evil selfish asshole. I personally feel like everybody is beyond judgmental and prejudiced toward that house, unfairly so. But anyways, this is not what this post is about. Not only would I be placed in that house, my family would have a long history of being sorted there too –I mean, we already have the coordinated name theme thing going on.  My family would most likely be pure-blooded but we wouldn’t be on that ‘He-who-Must-Not-Be-Named following’ life. Judging by what went down with Lucius Malfoy being constantly bitched out by no-nose, my parents would not be about that life. We would probably be on that same level of not really being involved in anything like Blaise Zabini’s family.

My best friends would be an odd bunch considering we are from separate houses. There would be a Gryfindor and a Ravenclaw for sure. Hufflepuffs are a lot less likely. As Beyonce would say. “To the left to the left, all the Hufflepuffs can you step to the left”. Sorry, but I’m just keeping it real. The chances of that friendship are slim to none. I would be down with the Weasley twins and Luna Lovegood because I believe I am the strangest combination of all of them. My best friend would probably be in Ravenclaw and Muggle-born as well. This way am not totally clueless when it comes to general muggle things but the smaller details I would be iffy about. I would understand television and movies in theory but fandoms would totally escape me. My brother and I would be beaters on the house Quidditch team, making me one of the few girls to ever be on the team. Academically, I would be interested in Divination and pretty talented in Potions and Defense Against The Dark Arts. My stance on the war, I’m against it but the most I am doing on that front is joining Dumbledore’s Army with my patronus being a fox. I know that the outcome effects everybody but self-preservation is in my nature, what can I say?

Me on the regular, but I’m still about that life

Relationship-wise, I already know that I might be intensely popular with everyone… except the elitist people in Slytherin. It would be like what happened with Sirius Black, if he just happened to be sorted into Slytherin. So I just may be cast out..like a leper. So instead I became that person that doesn’t sit with their house and sits with other people on the daily. At some point my inner thug came out and…I beat the sh*t out of Pansy. If for no reason other than I feel she would be the person that just asks to have their sh*t kicked in. That’s what happens when you have more mouth than you can back up. While we are on the subject of beat downs let’s talk about Malfoy. It’s no secret that I identify with and even had the strangest crush on the guy when I was younger –feels like years ago but not really– because of course I’m the person that has feels for the person the franchise tells you not to like. But I would def put the moves on that, even though our relationship would be all types of antagonistic.

You had me at “Hey”.

As for the future, I think I would aim to be whatever the f*ck it is that Bill Weasley does. In a world where the most you can be is either a teacher, an auror, working with crazy ass animals or a store-owner that’s what I chose to roll with. I can’t really remember exactly what he does but I’m pretty sure he is like Indian Jones except with magical powers and under the employ of  Gringotts.

Also, f*ck you Dumbledore and your f*cked up point system. If I had known this was what you wanted from the beginning, I would have done it.

And that’s what it would be like if I went to Hogwarts.

What would it be like if you went to Hogwarts? Either Comment below or write me on Facebook or email me at ajparker@sublimezoo.com. Oh, and I’m on Tumblr now! Follow me on there as well, under AnonymousCrackhead (WTF I know but still) and I’ll follow you back!


image(s): http://www.funnyjunk.com, tumblr.com, harrypotterfandom.wordpress.com


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