Greetings, Lovers of the Zoo.
If you’re like me, you woke up today, ready to have a mundane ass Wednesday. And then, SUDDENLY, out of nowhere
the Fire Nation attacked…Calvin Harris’s wonderfully petty tweets found their way to your timeline.
Okay, I kid…somewhat. Calvin’s tweets weren’t actually out of nowhere. On the contrary, his tweets were prompted by slanderous news stating that Taylor Swift had written his collaboration with Rihanna “This Is What You Came For”. And after E! News had been concocting imaginary potshots between Harris and Swift for the last 2+ weeks, it’s nice to see it actually materialize (and them not be deadass wrong) for once.
Don’t believe me? Peep the evidence below (in addition to my favorite reactions…including mine):
Honestly, I’m low key (really high key) happy that Calvin Harris clapped back. Taylor Swift has a long and documented dating history (which in itself is not a problem) and within that history, she has fought hard to convince us, the general public, that NONE of the conclusions to these relationships were ever her fault. That they had nothing to do with her. That E V E R Y dude she has gotten with has been problematic and broken her heart and that’s why she apparently has no qualms airing their dirty laundry on the radio airwaves via middle school lyrics and off-key (#AllNotesMatter) bridges.
And of course, I do not recall any of her previous exes openly clapping back beside them uttering some semblance of “it’s all in the past” or some shit. This is why this I’m 280% here for Calvin Harris. At some point, you gotta tell
Princess Morbucks Taylor Swift that enough is enough.
Like, instead of her enjoying everyone’s formerly favorite bae Tom Hiddleston and his vast…vocabulary, she’s out here wildin’ in these skreets, tryna flex on Calvin for…why??? Exactly. I don’t know and you don’t know either.
But what I do know is that I don’t think Taylor anticipated Calvin looking her dead in her eyeballs and saying “NOT TODAY, TAY-TAY”.
It’s funny. In the past, Taylor might have gotten away with this shit, but since Calvin is not only hella likable and appears to have some shred of fight back, Taylor ain’t gonna win this round of The Pettying™ this time around.
And to be honest, it’s about damn time. I have been waiting for this.
Taylor Swift irks my soul. It’s true. Not only has she made me leave Tom Hiddleston by the wayside since he is now compromised (a happening that my dearest friend AJ will no doubt
write rant about later), but she is shadier than Steve asking Tony if he and Pepper are pregnant in Civil War, she clearly does not know how to stay in her lane (hence why the term Taylor-Swifting™ exists), and she has a colossal victim complex.
Or a victim fetish. I’m not so sure the two are mutually exclusive.
On top of that, I never really believed her bogus story about Katy Perry “backstabbing” her (even though I don’t like that Perry gal either), especially considering the nature of contracting with background dancers (something that Swift apparently a. doesn’t understand and b. doesn’t want to understand). AND I wholeheartedly believed Kanye West (sleazy as he may be) when he said he asked LuciTaylor Swift for permission to be included in that “Famous” line.
I was actually banking on Kim Kardashian to release that alleged recording of the exchange between the Swift camp and the West camp about the “Famous” line, as I live for this type of messiness and drama. However, the reveal has not come to fruition…yet.
All in all, any L that is handed to Taylor Swift is good enough for me. I await the inevitable collaboration between Calvin Harris, Katy Perry, and Kanye West and have subscribed to Sir. Harris’s marvelous “Bless Your Heart” tweets so I don’t miss a gahtdambt thing.
Images From: Giphy, Tumblr, Rachievee.com, Forums.penny-arcade.com, Hello Magazine, Emusic.com