Meet Lex Luther

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Name: Lex Luther aka Clarkisha Kent aka [REDACTED]

For confidentiality purposes, the person in this picture has been pixelated.

For confidentiality purposes, the person in this picture has been pixelated.

Occupation: Student by day, Hater by night.

Patronus: A (probably unethical) cross-breed between a turtle on a skateboard and a white tiger.

Arch-Nemesis: It’s a tie between M. Night Shyamalan and Taylor Swift.

Favorite Quote: Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. – Francis Bacon

Favorite Color: Scarlet

Top Five Movies: The Lion King, The Dark Knight, The Avengers, Django Unchained, and Just Like Heaven (in that order).

“What do you when you are alone in your car?”

What do I do when I’m alone in my car, you ask? Well, the answer is very simple:

This is what I do. No matter who’s looking.

“What song best describes your work ethic?”

“Work B*tch”, by Britney Spears. I’m not going to lie, I am inherently lazy as f*ck. However, as that song illustrates, you gotta work hard for what you want in life. I mean, unless you’re born with a silver spoon in your mouth (but I digress).

Pick two celebrities to be your parents.

Hmmm. That’s a tough ass one. I’ll guess I’ll go with Will Smith as my dad. I just think that overall, he’d be a cool parent and we’d have a good time. I mean…as long as he’s not forcing me to be in random ass movies like After Earth, we’ll be good.

As for my mom, it’s a close tie between Viola Davis and Shonda Rhimes. They’re both certified badasses in whatever they put their mind too, be it acting, writing, or straight up existing. In the end, however, I’m going to with Shonda, because she’s a badass showrunner who basically runs ABC, of course.

Well f*ck! I’m sorry, Viola!

If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

I’ve always wanted to possess a combination of telekinetic and telepathic powers. Basically, I’d like to be Jean Grey or have her powers. You know, without the batsh*t craziness.

If you were a Star Wars character, which one would it be?

Being completely honest, I’d either be Han Solo or Princess Leia. There’s no picking between either of them for me.

If you could trade places with any other person for a week, famous or not famous, living or dead, real or fictional, with whom would it be?

Welp. This is a loaded-ass question. As always with me, there’s no way I’m picking one person. So, I’d probably trade places with the following: Jimi Hendrix, Jesse Williams, P!nk, Tika Sumpter, and/or Robert Downey Jr.

If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title would be?

Luther Unchained. I’m hoping it would chronicle all the badass stuff that I have yet to do, but certainly want to do.

If you were a type of food, what type of food would you be?

Pizza, hands down. Yes, I have a lot of strong ass opinions and yes, I’m an asshole, but other than that, I am relatively chill. Just like pizza. You can add whatever you want to it, meat, veggies, or you can enjoy it plain. It’s not complicated and I’m not either.

You have just broken up with Taylor Swift and she promptly writes a song about you. What do you do?

Laugh. A lot.

But seriously, I’d probably pull a Kanye, show up to one of her concerts and break her guitar.

How’s that for “Teardrops on My Guitar”, Taylor?

“Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 how weird you are.”

Over 9000. Obviously.

If you could be Batman or Robin, which one would you be?

Oh f*ck that. Neither. While they are all badass in their own way, one is forever scarred by the fact that he couldn’t save his deceased parents and therefore goes to some beyond crazy lengths to deliver his own brand of justice. And the other is doomed of enduring that craziness alongside Bats and sometimes, it ends badly. (See: Damian Wayne, Tim Drake, and etc).

***If you ever feel like b*tching/ranting about something relatively interesting, I can be reached at lexluther@sublimezoo.com or here.

Peace out.

Images From: Blogspot.com, Imgur.com, Tinypic.com


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